My weight loss journey
It’s quite an interesting story that I look back at and just laugh sometimes. Other days I’m saddened by it. But the response towards people has always been the same, I acted like nothing happened and I did nothing much. In reality, I did a little but not a lot.
If you met me in 2019 onwards, there’s a big chance you saw no difference in my body shape. It’s quite a weird thing to speak about but the shape and weight mattered to me! So in order to makes sense of some of my speeches(e.g. Monsters, The Essence of Time), you need to read this to understand where I was.
Before continuing however, I need to point out one thing. The BMI is not the most accurate of measures for this topic, but I lived with it in mind for a period in my life and it seemed to really matter.
In order to have a weight loss journey, one needs to have a weight gain path, and for me that started when I was about 10 years old. There’s a small story I allude to in my Monsters speech about how I “stole chicken from the kitchen” before dinner. It was around this time that food started tasting a lot better. And so this monster within me needed to be fed. Over the next couple of years, with little exercise and sport, I gained a lot of weight. I may not know where I was then because that wasn’t on my mind, but I remember in grade 7 (age 12) I was at 55kg. That’s significant because that was the weight limit for soccer players to enter tournaments at that level.
Who knows what happened from then onwards, all I remember was that in my first year of high school, in my first term there, I was in the 66kg zone and part of the infamous “Founders Fatboys” crew! I didn’t quite care none the less, my chubby body and all. But this was a defining time in my life. That term, I got introduced to ‘House Training’. We’ll just say it was similar to a military bootcamp with lots of pain and tears. Just know that the results were astonishing, a whole 5kgs gone by the end of that term and people noticed. The next year (2012) similar things were happening but it was all after a gain in weight once again (I have no idea to where) but it was so drastic a loss that I was being looked at to be one of the 4 x 100m racers for my house’s year group. I didn’t end up taking part but wow, what a change!
This was sadly the beginning of an even worse hole that I’d only get out of 5 years later. I started doing my best to avoid House Training when it came time to. I wouldn’t want to play sport or exercise, for who knows what reason back then. I was just cool with it. And I guess that’s an important note to keep in mind (I’ll explain later). I gained it all. Sure I tried the gym a couple of times and worked out here and there but it wasn’t consistent in any way. The food given at the dining hall was not too helpful either as it wasn’t the best to keep one’s weight down, especially if you’re friends with the chefs so seconds was a must! So I left high school, end of 2016) at a weight of about 82kg. The BMI would classify me as overweight at this point.
University started in 2017 for me and my sporting life did not change at all, I just gained more weight and I went on living is such a way that allowed me to get to 87kg sometime in the first semester, talk about first year spread! My face was not handling it well, hence the chubby cheeks. Without a care in the world about it I went on, signing up for the gym and not going at all (like many people out there mind you). Then one day someone said something…
“Humphrey no matter what happens, please don’t get that fat”, a remark from a friend when we saw someone whom was obese. It was a slight comment but it irked me for a while. Then I checked the scales again, 91kg (BMI would say I was slightly obese). And that was it.
I promised myself, never will I go above 100kg. I’ll fight to stay as far away from that number as possible, and I did not plan on playing it close, I was going to be aggressive. I immediately stoped taking Jammies (school bus) from campus to my residence, I would walk back home(because walking 1km uphill in the morning was not an appealing prospect). I stopped taking the juices they gave us at the dining hall instead opting for water a lot more. When it came time to look at the results, I was happy, 87kg. I was back to being overweight.
2018 went by with me implementing these measures but two things happened in June that year. Firstly I briefly stayed with someone who would work out a lot and went to gym and honestly, I was inspired to do more just by watching him live and be excited about working out, I even bought a pair of running shoes in anticipation! Secondly, I woke up one morning and I said to myself, “I’m gonna go for a run”. Sure enough I did. Boy did I love it! And I did it on and off for a bit that following semester till I got hurt(the run that broke me) in August, a few days shy of my birthday. It was not the run I attribute this time to but it was my mindset. The result was a sharp pain in my left knee when I walked and it lasted for days. But before I go there, I just want to share that story.
Around about that time, I fancied a girl. What went through my mind was that I needed to ask her out or something but I couldn’t, I felt I was too fat and ugly and she’d see that. I just resolved to remain quiet and only ask her out when I was fit and good looking. That was an actual prayer I prayed once because that’s what I’d come to believe about myself.
So as a result of overexerting myself, I had to stop running and I couldn’t believe it! We read these stories about how that famous sportsman was told “you’ll never run again” or “you’re going to need to stop working out for a while” and not once did I ever think I’d hear words similar to those till I was told to not run for “some time” till my glutes and knee heal up. I was sad at this point but I didn’t lose hope or zeal. I still wanted to get our there and do something so I kept on doing my best to walk home and eat less junk. I think this is when I officially started not wanting to buy fast food.
It was only in October that I was free to start small runs to help out my knee. I did so consistently and at the end of the year, I was at 80kg. “Progress!” I thought so much progress! Little did I know what lay ahead in 2019.
The year started with a supplementary exam in January. So I got to campus just 5 days after New Years to get going. And at this time, I had not ran or done any workout since November 2018. I wrote the exam and bought a bicycle shortly after that (Faron – “faithful servant”). Since I was not in my residence and staying elsewhere, I realised I didn’t like bath tubs and that I desired a shower rather. So my routine changed, I would wake up, go to the gym, work up a sweat and then shower there. Then I’d cycle to work every day for a week and a bit. After that, I stopped going to they gym for the shower but just for the workout. This episode ended in early February, and when I checked my weight, I could not believe it. 75kg (a slight bit overweight). I was ecstatic!
This is when I started to notice my physical appearance change a lot more. My belly was flattening. It almost seemed like magic I tell you. But I also started dieting better and eating my own food that I cooked alongside more cycling. I then stopped going to the gym in early March but I still always cycled to places and would run every now and again. I did the parkrun as well a few times but there was a moment that shed light to me.
As I ran the parkrun, I couldn’t help but think how chubby I was and how slow I was. I wanted to finish in the top 10 (my best was 22nd) and I wanted to be the fastest(keep this in mind as well). I was already doing better than the average runner. I just lived life as best as I could, I even cycled over 70km one time, all in the name of having a fun adventure and workout. The next thing I know, I’m at 70kg. I literally felt the weight come off my shoulders when I found this out as it was considered to be a “normal weight”. Victory! Success! I was normal and average! (sounds crazy to look at it that way but it was big for me).
I ended the year with that high and loved went to do something I had greatly anticipated. There’s something I didn’t mention above, it’s about this pair of white jeans that I own. I got these from a friend who didn’t want them in 2017 and I said to myself that I was going to wear them one day as a way of motivating me to lose weight because they definitely did not fit. I couldn’t get them all the way up my thighs! At the end of 2019, I tried them on and they were loose! From them being tight fitting, they turned to be a loose fit!
I wish the story ended there but it doesn’t, it continues till today because as you may have picked up, there were issues with some of the things I did to get to where I am today. I highlighted a few along the way but it’s clear to see how my self image ruled me alongside shame, then I became performance driven. But look at the hold these areas had in my life, I had a lower sense of self esteem and confidence in myself all this blurring my vision and judgement of both myself and what other people thought. It sucks that I was like that but I’m grateful to be moving forward.
So what happened?
In a nutshell then, here is my weight loss journey:
I started out as a boy who never cared about himself much nor his appearance till it started hindering him and defining him. I then pictured the ideal person, and chased after that image and person and wanted to become like him. After seeing that I was close to that man, I realised more of my faults and just how far off I was from him. But now I see who that man was, what he stood for and how his aspirations are different from mine. But in it I saw that I already knew someone else who had a better name and calling for me.
If you can’t see it yet, then this should make it clear. I now realise that I can’t ever get to the perfect body type or weight e.t.c. I let that stuff determine who I was for so long and it only brought more emptiness in me even though I conquered big milestones, I let it get to me and place God in the wrong place(remember that prayer). My image was in a man and not in Christ, I chased vapor all along, and it wasn’t going to stop until God showed it to me(that’s another story on its own). From this, I started gaining confidence in myself because of Christ.
I now care for my body, but I won’t let it define who I can speak to, or where I can go or what I can do. Sure, I’ll keep my cap at 100kg or less, but I want to keep God first in my life and not idolize being the perfect man on the outside because, he’s not coming any time soon.
I must say however, anytime I walk past a 20kg bag of anything in a store, I often look at it and sometimes even lift it and say to myself, “wow, you used to carry all that, now it’s gone!”